restless mind, random thoughts, depressing matters

I've been contemplating lately that it's quite amusing to capture the first thought that comes to your mind in the minute you wake up. I came to this, because I've been feeling horrible lately and it astounds me how from the very first few seconds upon waking, my mind is consumed by those negative thoughts. I woke up a couple of days ago with the instant agonizing thought: "I want someone to remember me. Don't forget me." I didn't have anyone in mind, it was not addressed to anyone particular. It was just some sort of distressed thing that you tend to spit out and then you wonder why you just said something so unintelligible. It reminds me of John Cage from "Ally McBeal". When he felt nervous he would say "pokipsy" or at one point when everyone around him began arguing in Spanish, he just blurted out something concerning ponies and cookies in Spanish. After that thought when I woke up, I felt a little disturbed and kept remembering it throughout the day. I suppose some of the thoughts and emotions that we experience upon waking up might be connected with the dreams that we had that night. And while I have had unfavorable dreams lately, I don't recall having dreamt anything that night that would trigger that thought. Sometimes the way we feel when we went to sleep affects the way we feel when we wake up. But I don't remember anything so dramatic happening the other day. The thought remains a mystery. lol

There has been some repair work going on in the apartment above ours (they are insulating the outside of the apartment so that it will be warmer) and for more than a week there have been people dangling from ropes around our apartment's windows. I woke up on Friday from the word "cool" repeated over and over in the most annoying voice with the most repulsive Bulgarian accent by someone outside my window. Two people were hanging from ropes right outside my balcony and were discussing how another would say the word "cool" very often. I couldn't get the gist of the conversation too much, because I was completely tacken by surprise as you might imagine by the whole situation, was more than half asleep, and the man's mumbling repetitive manner of speaking was the most incoherent thing I've ever heard. All I was left with was "cool, cool, cool" ringing in my head like a piercing headache. I was so relieved when they left.

In other news... I finally received a response from the woman who was looking for an illustrator. As expected, I was not chosen. I know I should have done a better illustration, and then maybe I would have gotten the job, but I guess we learn from our mistakes. I knew that it just wasn't enough. And now that I think about it, my illustration was totally lame anyway, so I'd rather it wouldn't be my first introduction.

And to top things off, in the evening I got a phone call from an unknown number that quickly hung up before I had the chance to answer it. I called the number back and someone picked up but would not say anything, even when I said "hello?", all I heard was rustling like from some sort of surrounding. So I hung up. I know it might just be something of the sort of a wrong number, but it was the last straw and I got so pissed off. It was one in a series of small but discouraging happenings that just kicked me right into this terrible mood.